dedicatedrider Member Posts: 210 From: USA Registered: 08-04-2005 |
Just curious to see where everybody is on this topic. I'm for the courting side of things =) Seems to be going well for me, lol ------------------ |
en972 Member Posts: 562 From: NOT TELLING! Registered: 08-27-2004 |
I am all for it. That way the girl knows I like her ------------------ |
bennythebear Member Posts: 1225 From: kentucky,usa Registered: 12-13-2003 |
what's the difference between courting and dating? ------------------ proverbs 25:7 www.gfa.org - Gospel for Asia www.persecution.com - Voice of the Martyrs |
CPUFreak91 Member Posts: 2337 From: Registered: 02-01-2005 |
Courting can lead to marrige where dating can lead to a fun night at McDonalds. Courting is more romantic. ------------------ [This message has been edited by CPUFreak91 (edited August 22, 2005).] |
|
bennythebear Member Posts: 1225 From: kentucky,usa Registered: 12-13-2003 |
so courting would be spending time together...like walking through the park, sitting on your/her couch and talking...where dating would be taking her out to eat, going to the movies, and then dropping her off...no in depth talking in other words? dating can lead to marriage. actually, dating you can also have discussions and what not while eating. you can get to know someone that way. anyway...the best way to seek a wife/husband, is simply to pray to God about it, and keep doing His will. ------------------ proverbs 25:7 www.gfa.org - Gospel for Asia www.persecution.com - Voice of the Martyrs |
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
I am all for courting, lol, seeing as though I am courting the GREATEST girl in the world!!! LOL, Dating you are just setting yourself up for divorce, at least the average person is, because (at least from experience I have had from friends of mine) it is just a game, one that tries to act too serious too soon, and not serious enough when it needs to be. I used to be into the whole dating thing, and I look back now and regret it, so I definitely stand for courting, lol.  God Bless Y'all! ------------------ |
|
dedicatedrider Member Posts: 210 From: USA Registered: 08-04-2005 |
quote:
As far as the dating situations I have seen, there are a lot of games, a lot of people who really aren't serious and are just out there to get something physical out of a relationship. Sure, that's not always the case, some people take dating seriously and are looking to get married through the dating system. However, I've seen a lot of things go wrong with dating, things going too far, and plenty of broken hearts. A lot of times, dating will just prepare you to deal with heartbreak. Now I'm not saying that courting completely takes away the risks of heartbreak, or the possibility of things going too far (there's a chance of that with anything), however it does reduce that risk.
quote:
Anyway, the courting process seems to be going well for me so far. I've got the GREATEST guy courting me at the present, and we have hope for a future once he's through college and is financially secure. ------------------ [This message has been edited by dedicatedrider (edited August 23, 2005).] [This message has been edited by dedicatedrider (edited August 23, 2005).] |
|
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
Yeah, it takes a lot of serious thought and praying before talking to the girl's dad. Probably the worst case of butterflies ever, lol. But it prevents the people who are in it for the short term, which is most people when they date, because who would go through the time to talk to a girl's dad, and then break the courtship up a few months later because they found someone new? As far as the having to have someone with you, I think it is cool, because if marriage is a possibility you want to see how the other person treats family members because someday you will be their family. With dating you tend to be VERY VERY exclusive... being alone in the movie theaters with him/her, eating at a restaurant with just her/him, etc... There is no worse thing then messing with temptation, even if you think you can handle it... there is always the chance that you can't, so in my opinion groups (Whether family or friends) is better in the long run, lol. God Bless Y'all! ------------------ [This message has been edited by gamer4christ (edited August 23, 2005).] |
Ereon Member Posts: 1018 From: Ohio, United States Registered: 04-12-2005 |
Right on Gamer, it really makes you......think, and........consider all the options before facing Dadzilla :P On top of that it's good accountability, and everyone can use more of that. ------------------ The old that is stong does not wither From the ashes a fire shall be woken Renewed shall be blade that was broken [This message has been edited by Ereon (edited August 23, 2005).] |
Max Member Posts: 523 From: IA Registered: 09-19-2004 |
It's funny, because sometimes you are courting on dates! Sometimes just mix it up, because you can still date just for fun, without any huge committment. I don't mean sleep around, but actually going somewhere fun with someone. Just a thought. ------------------ |
CoolJ Member Posts: 354 From: ny Registered: 07-11-2004 |
from dictionary.com: courting- To try to gain the love or affections of, especially to seek to marry dating- Use of chemical analysis to estimate the age of geological specimens so, which would you rather do?
I wish I had this foresight when I was younger, it would have led to much less heartache and regrets. Unless you enjoy hitting yourself over the head while saying 'stupid,stupid,stupid..' over and over and over. |
|
CoolJ Member Posts: 354 From: ny Registered: 07-11-2004 |
I was looking for a more detailed explaination or courting and found this: "The practice of courting, too, has been a vital part of the Judeo-Christian culture for thousands of years. Many of the grandparent age will remember this process. A woman was never unchaperoned during this form of dating. A couple would get to know each other in the safety of social and family gatherings. In courtship, both individuals have the understanding that marriage is the eventual goal of the relationship. Courtship takes a more thoughtful, long-term approach to a premarital relationship. The emphasis is on developing friendships and seeking compatibility in ones future mate. Courtship doesn't actually begin until each feels that the other person could be a perspective marriage partner. Their time together is spent getting to know each other better through conversation and group socialization, rather than sexual intimacy. This old-fashioned idea is currently gaining a following among singles looking for smarter ways of tying the knot and keeping it tied." The quote is from a review of a movie - Kate and Leapold: |
HanClinto Administrator Posts: 1828 From: Indiana Registered: 10-11-2004 |
The whole courting thing worked for us -- though at the time, I think I remember we called it "courting-ish". Dating with a purpose, dating with the specific intent of evaluating a person for the real possibility of marriage. Gamer/DedicatedRider, it's encouraging to hear your situation and how you're handling the whole courting thing! So yeah, if I have to cast my vote, it's definitely more for the courting side of things (though I'm flexible depending on circumstances). --clint ------------------ |
crazyishone Member Posts: 1685 From: Registered: 08-25-2004 |
courting seems to be the wisest solution IF you are looking for marriage. But I am too young to consider marriage as a serious option, so a fun date with a girl is really all I am looking for. In the future, I would court a girl if that is what her parents wanted , other than that, I am not sure. ------------------ |
|
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
Crazyishone: See I know where you are coming from, I have several friends who are just like that. I, a long time ago, was like that, but have you ever thought of the heartache that can happen in that situation? I mean way back when I was in fifth I had that mindset... just date someone to have fun. I never realized how much it hurt the other person... the target of the fake love if you will. Well in fifth grade I broke up with a very sweet girl that was not much younger then me, only a few months, to go out with a different girl who was not so much, but she was cuter. Now the first girl did not speak to me again, I don't blame her (She has recently though, lol), and I found out that the second was not a very good person on the inside... she was snobby, rude, arrogant... so on and so forth... well, she moved to Georgia and then I got a letter from her (because her and I were still dating) and it told me she was sorry and that she hoped I would forgive her... Well I did not know what she meant at the time so when she came back to Indiana I asked her about it, and she was reluctant to answer, but told me that she had cheated on me. Now I was hurt tremendously, I mean I liked her, and here she just threw me aside like I was just something for the moment. Well to continue on to my point, I will move onto the end of the sixth grade... a girl had asked me out, one who I had liked forever, and I said of course... well we were cool, you know hanging out all the time, talking on the phone all the time... then two weeks later she dumped me for one of the football players (higher grade)... that hurt alot too. My point in all that is that even though you may not realize it, going from one girl to the next just to find a 'fun date' will just end up hurting someone... I know how easy it is to like someone because of something you do with them, and I know how much it hurts when they throw everything away like it meant nothing. But I have a happy ending, lol, well up to the present, lol, because my life story has all but ended, lol. Well see I met this girl December 2002, and she was cool, Well about four months into our friendship she started telling me how much she liked me, and that instantly made me have feelings for her (that is just how it works.)... well anyway, that is not the point... see in the fall of 2003 I decided to not to date anymore (Which that girl was not very happy with), and I lost that friendship... but I also promised the Lord that I would not look for "that special person" anymore, I would go by His timing, not mine. Well that was like in August... On September 15th of that year... I met the GREATEST girl of all time! (Past, Present, and Future) Her and I began as good friend... then really good friends, and then GREAT friends... And on December 3rd last year I talked to her father about courtship, and her and I have been courting ever since, and I have never been happier. So my point is {to Crazyishone} that dating for fun will get someone hurt... hearts are terribly hard to mend. And my other point is to EVERYone else... courting works, dating doesn't... when I dated I was not a very happy person, now I could not be happier (Several of you guys know that already, lol. Well anyway, I hope I did not bore anyone with my LONG life story, lol, but anyway, Later God Bless Y'all! ------------------ |
Tonnyx Member Posts: 140 From: Indiana, USA Registered: 08-02-2005 |
Hi, everybody! I just thought I'd throw my couple pennies in, because, you know, I'm married and whatever. I liked our "courtingish" method. Clint forgot to ask for my dad's permission, but called him up a week or two later to apologize about that and see if it was still okay. We didn't, as some do, only hang out with other people around. We needed to spend an awful lot of time discussing marriage, our relationship, our ideas about {kids, career, conflict resolution, communication, etc.}, since we were fairly sure we'd like to get married within the next 12 or so months (in fact it was 7 months from the time we started dating/courting). He would drive me to the house I was staying at when I came down to visit him, and we'd sit in the bed of his truck on opposite wheel wells, talking. Once we were discussing marriage in a coffee shop, and this poor (poor as in unfortunate) lady sat down near us, and hearing our conversation made her really uncomfortable. She got up and moved in such a hurry she forgot her drink. However, the fact that we had stipulated that we could not hold hands except with people fairly close by put a natural limit on the time we chose to spend alone. I liked our physical boundary rules because we worked together to formulate them, and they were extremely well-defined, so there was no question of whether or not we were sticking to them. That made temptation a lot less of an issue, since there was no grey area to step into. Also, we decided that any further limitation on our boundaries would be enforced immediately, whereas any expansion on the rules would take place the following week, so we wouldn't make rash, emotional decisions. So, that all ended a little over a year ago, and we definitely feel that that was the right way for us to have gone about it. [This message has been edited by tonnyx (edited August 23, 2005).] |
|
Tonnyx Member Posts: 140 From: Indiana, USA Registered: 08-02-2005 |
Yeah, okay, so that was already a long post, but I figured I'd also throw in my opinion re: dating. I very unintentionally hurt a friend very badly once, and I could never have known it was going to happen. I think that because dating, the way the world has formulated it, is generally so poorly defined, as far as its purpose, and also because people's emotions are not wired toward "just having a fun time" without desire for more - more commitment, more physicality, etc., it's not such a good idea unless you and the people you date have the emotions of a fish. [This message has been edited by tonnyx (edited August 23, 2005).] |
|
crazyishone Member Posts: 1685 From: Registered: 08-25-2004 |
well, i guess i have the emotions of a fish...thanks for pointing that out tonnyx! lol. jk. i agree with you guys. but the mind and the hormones do not always agree. haha. seriously tho, i do think courting is a great thing... i would date a girl or court a girl. I would not intend to hurt anybody (its really not in my nature). pain is an inevitable part of life. There's no point in dodging it...Reward requires risk. im just not sure tho..... im only 15, so I have plenty of time to worry about this. ------------------ [This message has been edited by crazyishone (edited August 23, 2005).] |
|
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
Yes, you do have plenty of time to worry about this. I mean you are only fifteen, you have your entire life ahead of you, who knows what will happen. But maybe you should not worry about for yourself, I mean the point that I was trying to get across is that when you just play with someone's emotions, intentionally or not so intentionally, they can get hurt... badly. Half of the girls I knew liked me at one time, they played with my emotions ALOT, I got hurt... VERY VERY hurt... It hurt for me to just listen to the subject of a relationship got brought up, sometimes I could hide it but most of the time I could not. You may not intend to hurt anyone, but accidents happen... all the time. I have made a fair share of mistakes in my life, most of them hurt those I liked or loved... it took until it happened to me for to realize that I was actually hurting people. By then I had already hurt several people, but I could still make a difference in the people I had not already met. I am not trying to rant and rave, or even just ramble, my point is that even though you think you have your ENTIRE life to fix the things that you have done wrong, or change the things you do not know if they are right. I cannot change your opinion on things, but I can tell you about my experience on things that I have had happen. When your heart breaks... it hurts more then breaking every bone in your body... it hurts more then anything else you could imagine. Pain may be an inevitable part of life, but there is no need for a person to go looking for it. Take your risks... risk your heart if you want to, but my best advice is not to risk anyone else's heart. Well, I am not trying to rant and rave, so I will get going now, lol. Well I hope all of this made sense, lol, I worry sometimes, lol. Well, Later! ------------------ [This message has been edited by gamer4christ (edited August 23, 2005).] |
ArchAngel Member Posts: 3450 From: SV, CA, USA Registered: 01-29-2002 |
you know what, no matter how much you guys wanna say courting is not dating, the facts are, it is a subset of dating. when you court, you date. just because you have asked the parent and marriage minded doesn't mean you are dating. it's like when someone brings out a labrador and says "this is a dog" and you argue that it is not a dog, but a labrador. from all I have seen in your points for courting, the same can apply to dating. dating does not rule them out in anyway. for ye courting advocates, I say this. go ahead and "court" as you wish, but do not look down on the "daters." I have seen that happen. just because a person says they "Date" rather than "court" does not make them more foolish and lustful. "courting" can cause holier-than-thou symptoms; it really could be a pride issue. ------------------ |
|
dedicatedrider Member Posts: 210 From: USA Registered: 08-04-2005 |
Of course dating does not rule out any of the things you normally would do in a courting situation, you could do them in a dating situation as well. It is just that most people do not. I do not feel I am any better than anyone else, I'm a sinner at heart, we all are, and I can see where you would think that this could make a person feel as if they are better, I imagine it could. I think the things with courting come as more of a surprise to those who are not Christians, they see it is different, in some ways, then the way most non-Christians go about dating. I mean, by all means, just date, but these principles that are generalized in a courtship situation are good, and they can make an impact in the way someone who is not saved looks at you. If someone who is not a Christian sees a good healthy relationship, most will realize that is something they would like to have themselves. It works that way in many sitiuations in life, when Christians live differently, do things differently then the rest of the world, people notice, we need to have a life that make other people question, "why do you do things the way you do?". ------------------ |
|
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
I would have to disagree with what you said about courting being a subset of dating. Did you know back in the Medieval era Knights courted maidens, and then took them to be their wives. Did you know courting is as old as time itself, but dating pretty much started in the era that the motto was: If it feels good, do it. However much you think they are the same, maybe in your mind they are, but they are far from being the same. No I agree many of the points can be in both, and I am sure that there are several people who are better off then many who are courting, but they are far and few between, I have not met a one. Many of my friends continue dating, right two of my guy friends have girlfriends, and they go on little dates to the movies, eating out, etc. See here is the difference, to me at least: Courting is spent with friends and family, this helps you get to know the other person in the way that you would need to if you got married to her/him. You get to see how they treat their friends, which should be the same way they treat you, and you get to see how they treat their family, which is how they will probably treat you once you become their family. Dating is spent with that person alone, sometimes with a friend, but mostly just you and her/him. This does let you get to know them in a way that you would never be able to if you were around their family, or friends, but people tend to show a side of them that they think people are going to like. So they might, intentionally or not intentionally, be fake about things with you, you know show you the side they think you want to see Courting takes ALOT more seriousness, and commitment then dating because when you court someone you are supposed to have their family involved in deciding if that is a good thing. And trust me if you were not serious about courting someone you would not go to the trouble of talking to her father. Dating does not take much seriousness, or commitment. I mean yes there are some people who take it seriously, but for the most part they aren't. I mean you do not really have to talk to anyone but the person you like, and then all you have to do is ask them out. Then many people play a game with it, and see how many people they can date in a week (Which can leave people hurt), or they just get bored with the person and then they dump them and move on to another. Courting requires you to look deeper into a person then just their appearance, I mean if you are going to call a girl's father and ask for permission to court her you are obviously aware that this might go all the way to marriage, and you don't marry someone for their looks. Dating lets you look at their skin, and decide from their. Most people who date do not see past the skin. Most girls in high school are looking for the cute athlete, and most guys in high school are after the 'hot' cheerleaders, or whatever. Courting has rules that are preset that we need to follow. A couple of these rules include: No Physical contact, which for me means even no holding hands; Always needs to have someone around... both of those can help prevent things from going to far. Dating should follow those rules, but most people do not. They set down rules as they go along, and those kinds of rules are not very easy to keep enforced. You can have the best intentions, and even the strongest wills of anyone, but spending time alone with some for extended amounts of time makes it hard not to do things you should not do. Being alone with the person you are dating brings forth alot of temptations that are hard to resist. I can understand how some people can get that "Holier-than-thou" attitude, but anyone good Christian would know that they are not better then anyone else, they should know that they are sinners just like EVERYONE else, they should know that they are as much a sinner as unsaved people, the difference is that as a Christian we have an eternity that is EXTREMELY glorious. So, I am sure there are people like that, but dating does the same thing, but an "Better then you" attitude is usually there. Most people date for popularity reasons, and that makes them feel higher then others. Dating is nothing more then a popularity contest, just trying to be popular. People who are not so much will try and date so they can be. So, ArchAngel, if you are one of those daters who follow those rules, and are commited to the person you date, to the point that Marriage is definitely an option, then you have no reason to take offense at this post because even if you call it something else you are following the same principles that the Bible has set down for us. But if you are not one of those rare daters who do, then I can see where you get your attitude of being put down. I am not trying to put anyone down, just trying to express the difference between dating and courting, and why courting is a better option. Well I need to get going, so I will TTYL, Later! God Bless Y'all! ------------------ |
|
Max Member Posts: 523 From: IA Registered: 09-19-2004 |
Well, how about mating? Is that alright instead of courting or dating? ------------------ Blind belief is dangerous. - Kenyan Proverb |
D-SIPL Moderator Posts: 1345 From: Maesteg, Wales Registered: 07-21-2001 |
quote: Only if you've got past the first stage and have the ring on her finger --D-SIPL ------------------ |
|
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
lol, yeah, but 'til then, courting is the way to go. ------------------ |
|
ArchAngel Member Posts: 3450 From: SV, CA, USA Registered: 01-29-2002 |
oh no, arranged marriages. lol ------------------ |
|
crazyishone Member Posts: 1685 From: Registered: 08-25-2004 |
i have to agree with Arch.... arranged marriages=luck of the draw, lol. im not really that shallow....or am I? Am I shallow?........good lord! look at her.......... anonymous guy: sir, arent you married?
------------------ |
|
bennythebear Member Posts: 1225 From: kentucky,usa Registered: 12-13-2003 |
ok here's a scenario. the girl's dad is in jail for making and/or selling crank(methanphetimenes???)...her mom is, well the type that says it's ok to get on the shot(birth control), have (pre-marital)sex with each other, but doesn't want her daughter to get married yet...how good is "courting" then? "dating" worked out just fine for me and her. the word of God is pretty simple when it comes to getting married...if you can't keep from having sex, get married. paul the apostle spoke a lot about that, and notice i said "getting" married, not "being" married. if you have no necessity to be married, then use that free time to serve the Lord. i'm not saying marry the first person who will marry you either. i've been through some mistakes, i've prayed and pleaded with God for years, and finally i ended up married to the woman i needed to be with. she's my first wife, and we'll be together until one of us is dead. yes, i love my wife very deeply. but keep in mind, your looking for a "help" mate, not a "soul" mate...if you're looking for a "soul" mate tell me, and i'll introduce you to Him  .------------------ proverbs 25:7 www.gfa.org - Gospel for Asia www.persecution.com - Voice of the Martyrs |
|
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
Crazyish: Where did arranged marriages come in? They never have worked, and never will. Benny: ------------------ |
|
crazyishone Member Posts: 1685 From: Registered: 08-25-2004 |
quote: i never suggested them ...i was playing of something Arch said , in order to lighten up a serious conversation (only because it obviously has no end). one final word outta me before im finished with this would-be-endless cycle. ------------------ |
|
Gamer4Christ Member Posts: 551 From: Kokomo, Indiana, USA Registered: 07-19-2005 |
Right. See this would not be an issue if people used the same principles in both situations, but the reason the Courting Vs. Dating is an issue is because the VAST majority (Including Christians) that date do not hold to those principles. So yes, to each his own, but you HAVE to remember the principles that the Lord has set down for us to follow when it comes to godly relationships. ------------------ |
My wife and I didn't allow any physical contact besides holding hands (and only that when other people were around), as well as a short greeting and parting hug. I think it really helped us while we were dating, and we're glad we did it that way.
