How do you know if you "have a crush" on a girl, or if you just care for them as a sister/friend? Do you "just know"?

Paul says not to try and get married, as it is best to stay single. Does this also count in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? That you shouldn't try to get into a relationship, unless you feel very strong feeling towards that person, or if God tells you to?

What is a good age to start trying to get a girlfriend?

At what age did you? (note seporite question )

thanks all,

MadProf

Though I think I can answer the first question from experience...

You have a crush on someone when you think about them every hour of the day and you become oblivious to any flaw you might have once seen in them.

And the last...

I am 19 and never had a girlfriend. Sad I know.

Good luck.

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http://rowanseymour.members.beeb.net/

[This message has been edited by rowanseymour (edited May 18, 2001).]

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Originally posted by MadProf:
What is a good age to start trying to get a girlfriend?

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16 or over, that way both people generally have areas of there mental life in check, depending on the person of course. Charmaine (my g/f) never caught me until we we're both around 17 3/4 years old. Before then, I never went on a date, I never had a girlfriend, so don't feel like a loser if you don't have one.

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Originally posted by Mack:
Charmaine (my g/f) never caught me until we we're both around 17 3/4 years old. Before then, I never went on a date, I never had a girlfriend, so don't feel like a loser if you don't have one.

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Exactly, I'm 16, have never had a girlfriend, and have no qualms whatsoever about it.

†Caleb†

PS: If you're going crazy obsessive about someone, it's probably a good idea to take a break from that person for a while just to get your head on straight. That's what I did.

MadProf

1. You know when you have a crush on a girl - when you can't do or think of anything else except that person.

2. If possible, try and build a friendship with the person first so that your attraction to them is not just hormonal. I was good friends with my wife for a couple of months before I started going out with her.

3. You can pray about it to God, but don't expect him to give you any easy answers. Any relationship you have will leave you doubting if you did the right thing at times - even if you were absolutely sure God wanted you with that person.

4. There is no "right age" to have a girlfriend. My wife just turned 18 when we were engaged, and we have been married for 8 years now. (I was 22 years old when we were engaged)

5. The most important things to keep a relationships going is commitment to God, commitment to your partner and being willing to change for your partner. (There are many more, but I think they are the most important.)

6. It's worth waiting for to get married to have sex! (I thank God I somehow made it through till marriage).

Well, that's the thoughts from an old man (ha ha ha).

Revelator!

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www.revelatorgames.com

2) I believe Paul would say his statement about marriage also applies to dating relationships. (of course, if everyone followed Pauls guidelines, we wouldn't be here today)

3) The age at which you can start dating is whatever your parents say it is. Disobeying them is a sin (honor your father and mother). If your parents don't care, then I would ask your pastor for a guideline.

4) I started dating at 15.

Relationships are a tricky subject because the Church accepts a standard that does not hold up biblically. I see no provision for "dating" in the Bible, yet almost every Church permits this kind of relationship. Ask yourself the following questions:
1) Will this relationship further God's kingdom, or is it self serving?
2) Will the things I do in this relationship help or hurt my relationship with my future wife?
3) Does this relationship draw others to Christ, or does it deter them?
4) Does this relationship make me more or less suseptable to sin? (especially lust and phornification)
5) Am I working towards marriage in this relationship?
6) Jesus knows everything you do and feel in a relationship, is he proud or disappointed in you?

Now that being said, I have to say that I dated several women before I married. Nobody ever asked me the six questions above until I got to College. It was then I realized that what I had perceived as normal had been defiend by the media, and unfortunately, accepted by the Church and everyone else. This is an interesting and challenging subject, I hope we can continue in this discussion (even if you disagree, but bring some scripture to back up your statements!)

Chris Hafey (28 years old, married almost 5 years)

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1. You know when you have a crush on a girl - when you can't do or think of anything else except that person.

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thank goodness... there is no-one like that for me (yet).

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2. If possible, try and build a friendship with the person first so that your attraction to them is not just hormonal. I was good friends with my wife for a couple of months before I started going out with her.

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yeah. thats kinda what I thought... look before you leap, for lack of a better phrase. And sadly, in this perverted world, even saying that can mean something very different (sigh).

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3. You can pray about it to God, but don't expect him to give you any easy answers. Any relationship you have will leave you doubting if you did the right thing at times - even if you were absolutely sure God wanted you with that person.

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In any relationship (just normal friendships, and other types), I find normally that its more a "know you did not do the right thing at times", rather than "doubting if you did the right thing"...

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4. There is no "right age" to have a girlfriend. My wife just turned 18 when we were engaged, and we have been married for 8 years now. (I was 22 years old when we were engaged)

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5. The most important things to keep a relationships going is commitment to God, commitment to your partner and being willing to change for your partner. (There are many more, but I think they are the most important.)

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one thing I've been thinking of a lot recently, is that if you are thinking more about them than about God (or praying to God), then you could be getting carried away, God says not to have anything before him. So if that happens, pray to God. And if they come in between you and God, then also you also need a re-pray (q: if somthink happens in a re-pray, is it called an action re-pray?).

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6. It's worth waiting for to get married to have sex! (I thank God I somehow made it through till marriage).

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of course! so this is one reason to start late, as it means less time before you can get married (j/k) .

MadProf

You mentioned there was no provision for dating in the Bible. And I agree, that the culture in Bible times was totally different to what it is now.

One book we miss in the bible is the Song of Solomon. It is a great read about the incredible sexual love between two newly marrieds. (of coarse it is not written in explicit language, but you can get the gist of what they are saying)

Your list of 6 questions is very tough.

I think number 4 will stop you from having a relationship. When you go out with a beautiful girl you will natural feel more inclined to think the thoughts that only married men should think. We should not feel too guilty about that because it is a natural progression in our love for that person. WE JUST SHOULD NOT ACT ON THOSE THOUGHTS!

If you never have the thoughts of wanting to make love to your future wife, you will probably never want to get married but just stay friends.

It's great to be in love (even after 8 years of marriage)

Revelator!

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www.revelatorgames.com

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Originally posted by Revelator:
I think number 4 will stop you from having a relationship. When you go out with a beautiful girl you will natural feel more inclined to think the thoughts that only married men should think. We should not feel too guilty about that because it is a natural progression in our love for that person. WE JUST SHOULD NOT ACT ON THOSE THOUGHTS!

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Um, actually, you probably should feel pretty guilty. Take a look at Matthew 5:27-30. I'll post it here (in the New Living Translation of course)
(Jesus speaking)
"(27)You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ (28) But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (29) So if your eye—even if it is your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (30) And if your hand—even if it is your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."

So, yeah, lust is a pretty serious thing. Even thinking it is bad. Come on men! Discipline! Discipline! Close your eyes, look the other way, even look at the ceiling if you have to, just anything to keep from slipping into lust! Job 31:1 (NIV) "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl."

†Caleb†

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Spread the word, Jesus lives!

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Originally posted by Imsold4christ:
Um, actually, you probably should feel pretty guilty. Take a look at Matthew 5:27-30. I'll post it here (in the New Living Translation of course)
(Jesus speaking)
"(27)You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ (28) But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (29) So if your eye—even if it is your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (30) And if your hand—even if it is your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."

So, yeah, lust is a pretty serious thing. Even [b]thinking it is bad. Come on men! Discipline! Discipline! Close your eyes, look the other way, even look at the ceiling if you have to, just anything to keep from slipping into lust! Job 31:1 (NIV) "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl."

†Caleb†
[/B]

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Attention: This rule is for married men I believe.

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Originally posted by Mack:

Attention: This rule is for married men I believe.

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What makes you believe this? Jesus's statement is based on the underlying commandment of "Do not commit adultry". Do you think that only applies to married men? If I am not married, it is OK to have sex? Where does it say this in scripture?

Chris Hafey

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Originally posted by Revelator:
Hi Chafey

You mentioned there was no provision for dating in the Bible. And I agree, that the culture in Bible times was totally different to what it is now.

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Yes, American culture is different that the culture in Israel during the time of Jesus. Our culture today may not be much different than the Greeks at that time however! In my youth, I would have said that the bible is "old fashioned" in this regard. Now I realize what an ignorant statement that was!

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One book we miss in the bible is the Song of Solomon. It is a great read about the incredible sexual love between two newly marrieds. (of coarse it is not written in explicit language, but you can get the gist of what they are saying)

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Another interesting topic is why the Church has suppressed sexuality so much. The Church's view on sexuality is still very much based in puritan ideals. This is sad because it undermines a very special part of marriage that God has given us. Even worse, the American culture has been rebelling against this suppression for the past 40 years and has resulted in severe damage to the family structure.

quote:

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Your list of 6 questions is very tough.

I think number 4 will stop you from having a relationship. When you go out with a beautiful girl you will natural feel more inclined to think the thoughts that only married men should think. We should not feel too guilty about that because it is a natural progression in our love for that person. WE JUST SHOULD NOT ACT ON THOSE THOUGHTS!

If you never have the thoughts of wanting to make love to your future wife, you will probably never want to get married but just stay friends.

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It is completely natural (and intended by God) to have those thoughts and feelings! This is exactly why you must not enter into a "casual" dating relationship with someone. If you enter into a dating relationship, you should be pursuing a permanent marriage relationship with that person. I can't find any biblical justification for dating without the intention of getting married.

This is an interesting discussion, please keep it going!

Chris Hafey

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Originally posted by Angel:
To lust married or not is a bad thing.

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Uh, how is it lust if you're married? Do you mean lust after other women other than the one you're married to?

†Caleb†

As for the quote from Matthew 5:27-30, it is an ideal that we should all strive for. We should not lust, but we should also remember that we are fallen and no matter how hard we try, our thoughts will turn in that direction.

The sermon on the mount (Matthew Chapter 5-7) is there to show us that we cannot keep the law. Just read the chapters, I mean how can we be perfect as God is perfect??? (Matthew 5:48)

The law is there to drive us to Christ. When we understand we cannot keep the rules God gave us (including not lusting), we understand how much we need Jesus' forgiveness. And it is only by keep our focus on Christ do we have any chance of keeping Jesus' high standards.

So in conclusion, as a Christian, in Theory we should not lust. In all practicality it will happen which we will have to be forgiven over and over again.

(The otherside of the coin is that if you suppress your sexual desire, you will have big problems in life)

Revelator!

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www.revelatorgames.com

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Originally posted by Revelator:
(The otherside of the coin is that if you suppress your sexual desire, you will have big problems in life)

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How is that?

†Caleb†

Uh, how is it lust if you're married? Do you mean lust after other women other than the one you're married to?

†Caleb†

K ya got me on that one maybe I should be more blunt. If you are married and looking at your wife/husband like they are hot stuff that is not lust. I would call that enjoying what God has blessed you with. If you are married and are still looking at other wimen with unpure thoughts then that is lust still. Hope I answerd your qustion

†Caleb†

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"True friendship is not characterized by the absence of conflict, but by the ability to resolve conflict."

quote:

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Originally posted by chafey:
What makes you believe this? Jesus's statement is based on the underlying commandment of "Do not commit adultry". Do you think that only applies to married men? If I am not married, it is OK to have sex? Where does it say this in scripture?

Chris Hafey

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What I mean, Chris, is that it's alright to think "wow, that womans hot" when your not married. If your married (and for me personally, in any relationship with a woman) you should only think "wow, my wife/girlfriend look sexy/hot/good looking/yummy/etc." It's not alright to have sex before marriage, I didn't say that, don't put words in my mouth.

Adultery: Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse. Jesus says that if your lusting after another woman (in your mind), and your married, it's just like your having an affair with that other woman your lusting after.

However, just because I find my girlfriend as the sexiest woman alive, and I want to marry her and make love with her doesn't mean I'm a Adulter. If it does, then from what everyone is suggesting here, I'm going to hell in a hand basket, because boys, I think about it daily.