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New Poems – Ereon

Ereon

Member

Posts: 1018
From: Ohio, United States
Registered: 04-12-2005
I'm pretty sure most of your guys saw my old poem thread a while back, well I'm revisiting poetry in school, and that means new poems . Here's one that I wrote today that I'd like your guys opinions on.

P.S. I had to do free verse poetry, so these poems don't um actually...rhyme


Grey
By: Zachary Taylor

Wet, warm fog in a valley near, drifting on the storm ripe breeze
Tingling air so thick to breath, and white fire in the sky
Sad tree shadows in the warm, grey air,dripping, all around
Soft wet splash on fresh green leaves, heavy with thick, warm mist

To close your eyes and drift away
On soft grey ocean to lands away
A sole warm island in the cooling fog
A sole warm sailor in the seas of ice

Soft grey light in the soft new dawn
The fog drifts away in the new, fresh light
Last sweet wisps of the wet, warm fog
And the ship's brave sailor finds port again

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How far that little candle throws its beams; So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

Portia The Merchant of Venice

manic_gamer

Member

Posts: 30
From: Portland Maine USA
Registered: 09-01-2006
I like it. tells a story in a way

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1 Corinthians 15:58 So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lordís work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. (NLT)

buddboy

Member

Posts: 2220
From: New Albany, Indiana, U.S.
Registered: 10-08-2004
whoa that was really good Ereon. a lot of descriptiveness, that's always cool in a poem... im surprised, due to the quality of the poem, that only one person has replied.

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#include <spazz.h>
int name()
{
char name['B','u','d','d','B','o''y']
}
-----------------------
MMMM... I love pi!!

Ereon

Member

Posts: 1018
From: Ohio, United States
Registered: 04-12-2005
Lol, thanks guys, glad you liked it. Manic, what kind of story did it seem to tell to you, I'm interested in knowing.

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How far that little candle throws its beams; So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

Portia The Merchant of Venice

Mack

Administrator

Posts: 2779
From:
Registered: 01-20-2001
Nice poem, I thought of a young kid fishing on a summers morning dreaming about being a salior at sea or thinking about his father in the navy trying to get home.
manic_gamer

Member

Posts: 30
From: Portland Maine USA
Registered: 09-01-2006
When I read it i invisioned a day dreaming sailer. and the first couple paragraphs where just poetic inspiration about his impression of being at sea.
then

The fog drifts away in the new, fresh light
Last sweet wisps of the wet, warm fog
And the ship's brave sailor finds port again

Then he returns home

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1 Corinthians 15:58 So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lordís work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. (NLT)

Lazarus

Member

Posts: 1668
From: USA
Registered: 06-06-2006
quote:
Originally posted by Ereon:
Lol, thanks guys, glad you liked it. Manic, what kind of story did it seem to tell to you, I'm interested in knowing.


Well the first paragraph made me think of a certain place in Alagaesia the day after a large battle had occurred...

The second and third made me think about the trips that explorer made to the North Pole.

Lazarus

CoolJ

Member

Posts: 354
From: ny
Registered: 07-11-2004
I like it too! It made me think of what it might be like to be put under anastesia before an operation, then coming back out of it afterward. Of course, I've never been under so I really have no idea...
..the 'fog' of consiousness, and the lights of the operating room, and the 'sad trees' being friends and family around you, etc...
Ereon

Member

Posts: 1018
From: Ohio, United States
Registered: 04-12-2005
Narf....it's so cool how all you guys see all these different things in 12 lines of poetry. Thanks for all your comments, I really enjoyed reading them, I'm still in the poetry lesson in language arts so I might end up posting a few more as well by the time all's said and done. Thanks for all the comments guys .

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How far that little candle throws its beams; So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

Portia The Merchant of Venice

buddboy

Member

Posts: 2220
From: New Albany, Indiana, U.S.
Registered: 10-08-2004
yeah, we're seeing all this cool stuff. and that means its good. =D

oh one thing, i was wondering... you know those fractal backgrounds that CPU listed a link on how to make? well, i was wondering if i could make one and put your poem like on top of it. it would look like fog and stuff... can i?

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Ereon

Member

Posts: 1018
From: Ohio, United States
Registered: 04-12-2005
Lol, possibly so.

Sure, you can use it if you like, hope it works for you.

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How far that little candle throws its beams; So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

Portia The Merchant of Venice

buddboy

Member

Posts: 2220
From: New Albany, Indiana, U.S.
Registered: 10-08-2004
thanks ill post it when it's done.

[edit]
here it is check it out:

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[This message has been edited by buddboy (edited September 21, 2006).]

Ereon

Member

Posts: 1018
From: Ohio, United States
Registered: 04-12-2005
Not bad It's looks pretty neat, though you might want to get a whispier font to fit the feel a bit more. Check out www.1001freefonts.com for a gazookaload of awesome fonts. You should be able to find something really neat that very few people have seen before.

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How far that little candle throws its beams; So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

Portia The Merchant of Venice