Ereon Member Posts: 1018 From: Ohio, United States Registered: 04-12-2005 |
I'm pretty sure most of your guys saw my old poem thread a while back, well I'm revisiting poetry in school, and that means new poems  . Here's one that I wrote today that I'd like your guys opinions on.P.S. I had to do free verse poetry, so these poems don't um actually...rhyme
Wet, warm fog in a valley near, drifting on the storm ripe breeze To close your eyes and drift away Soft grey light in the soft new dawn ------------------ Portia The Merchant of Venice |
manic_gamer Member Posts: 30 From: Portland Maine USA Registered: 09-01-2006 |
I like it. tells a story in a way ------------------ |
buddboy Member Posts: 2220 From: New Albany, Indiana, U.S. Registered: 10-08-2004 |
whoa that was really good Ereon. a lot of descriptiveness, that's always cool in a poem... im surprised, due to the quality of the poem, that only one person has replied. ------------------ |
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Ereon Member Posts: 1018 From: Ohio, United States Registered: 04-12-2005 |
Lol, thanks guys, glad you liked it. Manic, what kind of story did it seem to tell to you, I'm interested in knowing. ------------------ Portia The Merchant of Venice |
Mack Administrator Posts: 2779 From: Registered: 01-20-2001 |
Nice poem, I thought of a young kid fishing on a summers morning dreaming about being a salior at sea or thinking about his father in the navy trying to get home. |
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manic_gamer Member Posts: 30 From: Portland Maine USA Registered: 09-01-2006 |
When I read it i invisioned a day dreaming sailer. and the first couple paragraphs where just poetic inspiration about his impression of being at sea. then The fog drifts away in the new, fresh light Then he returns home ------------------ |
Lazarus Member Posts: 1668 From: USA Registered: 06-06-2006 |
quote: Well the first paragraph made me think of a certain place in Alagaesia the day after a large battle had occurred... The second and third made me think about the trips that explorer made to the North Pole. Lazarus |
CoolJ Member Posts: 354 From: ny Registered: 07-11-2004 |
I like it too! It made me think of what it might be like to be put under anastesia before an operation, then coming back out of it afterward. Of course, I've never been under so I really have no idea... ..the 'fog' of consiousness, and the lights of the operating room, and the 'sad trees' being friends and family around you, etc... |
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Ereon Member Posts: 1018 From: Ohio, United States Registered: 04-12-2005 |
Narf....it's so cool how all you guys see all these different things in 12 lines of poetry. Thanks for all your comments, I really enjoyed reading them, I'm still in the poetry lesson in language arts so I might end up posting a few more as well by the time all's said and done. Thanks for all the comments guys  .------------------ Portia The Merchant of Venice |
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buddboy Member Posts: 2220 From: New Albany, Indiana, U.S. Registered: 10-08-2004 |
yeah, we're seeing all this cool stuff. and that means its good. =D oh one thing, i was wondering... you know those fractal backgrounds that CPU listed a link on how to make? well, i was wondering if i could make one and put your poem like on top of it. it would look like fog and stuff... can i? ------------------ |
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Ereon Member Posts: 1018 From: Ohio, United States Registered: 04-12-2005 |
Lol, possibly so. Sure, you can use it if you like, hope it works for you. ------------------ Portia The Merchant of Venice |
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buddboy Member Posts: 2220 From: New Albany, Indiana, U.S. Registered: 10-08-2004 |
thanks ill post it when it's done. [edit] ------------------ [This message has been edited by buddboy (edited September 21, 2006).] |
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Ereon Member Posts: 1018 From: Ohio, United States Registered: 04-12-2005 |
Not bad It's looks pretty neat, though you might want to get a whispier font to fit the feel a bit more. Check out www.1001freefonts.com for a gazookaload of awesome fonts. You should be able to find something really neat that very few people have seen before. ------------------ Portia The Merchant of Venice |
