I've been away for quite a while. Been months since I last posted here. Much has been happening for me. I have been envolved in blender quite a bit, and also in a new play here in the theatre group (non-christian).

I have been struggling a lot with cynicism, and being tired and fed up of theology and a lot of christianity, really. I try to be hopefull and relying on God all the time, but I feel far away from Him, and nothing I do seems to bring me closer. I don't know why, but I feel like I've lost any passion I ever had for Christianity. I still believe in God, I still talk to Him a lot, I still read the bible most days, I still go to church, but it all feels fake and like just going through the motions. When I pray, I feel like I'm acting, and as if God isn't there. But also as if I'm not there. I have become envolved in many long theological debates with various people, and have become tired with it all. Biblical discussions seem pointless: people read their own understanding into everything, and although they are "Open, of course, to the Holy Spirit changing my heart and understanding of this..." He doesn't often do that. At least, not around here.

I know I should wait on the Lord, and in His time, if it is His will, then He will reveal Himself to me, and soften my heart. Its so hard to hang on though, when I've never met Him, and have hardly any faith that He even exists. I know all the usual theological responses. I've heard all the normal Good Christian Responses(tm). I've done all the Correct Christian Things To Do When God Seems Far Away(tm).

If its not too much trouble, please pray for Revival in Cyprus. I don't have enough faith left to pray properly myself.

Sorry for this stupid message.

Dan "I'm probably wrong anyway" MadProf

I have been waiting for the right time to post this but here goes. For the past year, got caught up in drugs again, i was still posting on here as if nothing was wrong with me. I was also sleeping around, and living a lie. I felt far away from God, i didn't paticuarly care, everything to do with christianity bored me, i felt like my head was constantly buzzing (like a tv channel thats not tuned in properly).

This all came to an end last Tuesday... my girlfriend left me because i had cheated on her, i couldn't blame her for that. My life was going nowhere and i decided to end it all. I was gonna do it, no messin this time, i went for a drive to clear my head, an all i could think about was ways of ending it quickly.

I got home, and my mum called me, i was in tears and she and my Dad rushed home, my Mum took me to see my Pastors, i explained to them that i couldn't go on like this. He explained that i needed God back in my life, more so then before, and that i needed a reality, not something fake that didn't feel real.

So that was it, nothing to lose, i chose God, i repented, was set free, and now im more on fire for God then i have ever been, drugs have nothing on what i feel now, i feel close to God and i feel great.

You jus need a reality, God isn't real to you right now, you need a touch from him, one that would change your life forever, jus pray an ask him to become real to you. Speak to your pastors, but don;t go down the route i did...

God Bless Bro.

--D-SIPL

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that suggests you tried

Madprof:
I want to encourage you to hold on to the small amount of faith you have left. If you had none at all I don't believe you would have posted here in the first place
I have been in your shoes - to some degree I still am. I have struggled many times in the past year with my faith - with just what it is I believe, and with just how much of what I believe is true. I haven't been to church in a long while, mostly due to work duties that I put more emphasis on than my spiritual condition, but partly due to a selfish lack of interest altogether.
In the last few months I have been heavily thinking about God - what he wants from me, what he has planned for me, etc. Like you, I've grown tired of the spiritual cliches, the typical pep talks, and so forth. But even in my aggravation and self-pity, I have been caused to smile and give God credit for things in my life that I know he put there for just these times.
In my lack of fellowship I have turned to listening to some church services on the radio - knowing that I need to hear the stuff I don't really want to hear - and it has been a blessing. I have experienced a spiritual revival in my life - a reckoning - a reawakening - and I know that my new perspective, and all around better understanding of God, wouldn't have occurred otherwise. That is proof that God works in mysterious ways and works out all things for good.
I would challenge you to focus your cynicism on what it is you personally believe and why regarding God and Christianity. It is all too easy to be a cynic to others, but it requires some real resolve to look at yourself with that attitude and confront all the things that bother you about what goes on outside yourself and investigate those same things inside yourself.

A painting can be perfect and the frame hung straight, but the glass in the frame can have a smudge, causing the whole picture to be seen as less than what the artist intended. You might change the way you look at the picture in an attempt to solve the problem, and feel better about it in the end. But the problem still exists. Sometimes the solution to the problem is a matter of changing your perception - not just your perspective.

God bless you. My prayers are with you.

I love to hear the testimonies of GOd in peoples life - RE: matt, and d-sipl. i want to encourage you each 3 in your walks, in your various challenges and in your purpose on earth, as disciples of Christ.

In our walks, there is a part of our spiritual pilgrimage in which we can only go alone, ourselves with GOd, its a lonely place in a sense, that we can't take friends along, or even our spouse, but then its the least lonely place in another sense in that God is there with us, and its a place of pilgrimage of us towards GOd - whether we feel his presense or not. I'm glad that there are other places where we pilgrimage and work with other christians, being iron that sharpens iron, encouraging each other, and working together for a common goal in God, in sharing the gospel, in being light in this world. I'm enjoying the fellowship of many other christians lately, and being a part of a great vision, also in seeing visions in GOd that have been incubating in my heart and seeing little plants spout out, in seeing visions i've incubated for others and then have them own the vision and take hold of it and walk with it themselves - also in my relationship with my wife, and our spiritual walk together as a couple and a family, and also in that lonely but not place of personal pilgrimage with God. I'm glad to be a part of witnessing God working in your lives.

To matt: I pray that God continues to refine and grow you where you are at, and that God places others around you, who will be of like mind and vision, and as He has been molding you on the inside that it is for a purpose and that purpose will be played out in this age - in your own life, family, but as a witness to many of God's grace , mercy and love. I pray that you'll also be a challenge those many of us (and i fight to keep laodicea out of my heart - its in all of us these days to a point) in christiandom that need a change in direction, in heart, to get rid of religion but embrace pure religion. I pray that you can show great challenge to many, being bold and strong, but also humble and gentle.I pray that you come to accept the wonder of the church, how Christ uses impure vessels, with great defencies to acheive his will and purposes in this age. God is preparing you and growing you for a purpose , which includes person pilgrimage with Christ through you life, but purpose on the earth in this age that you were born and destined for. AMEN

D-sipl:
Lord i pray for this young man. Lord to keep and protect him. I thankyou for his return from being a prodigal son, and i thank you for the assurance in his heart for his forgiveness. Lord i ask that you appropriate grace into every area of his life with Your life. Lord as his nike is D-sipl, i pray from his as a disciple, and that you would place people in his life to mentor and disciple him, and you would give Him a heart to accept your discipline. Lord you are faithful even when we are unfaithful, my life as well as his has proven this so much. Lord place faithfulness and consistency in his life, and cause him to be a solid light, firm on the rock of Christ , for his generation. Give him oppurtunity daily to shine to others, as your grow his flame, Lord thankyou for his newfound passion - direct it according to your will, and grow it even more. Lord i'd ask that you would show him step by step by step where to walk , reveal to him glimpses of your plans and purposes for his life, in this early stage of it. AMEN.

dan:
I want to encourage you and encourage you and encourage you my friend. I thankyou for your blunt and honest post. being real and honest is no 'stupid'. its being real, and often being real with God in such matters is the start of a deeper friendship. God can handle whatever you can throw at him, Look at David, man he vented to God in the psalms alot, yet HE was a man after God's own heart, and at the end of the psalm, he would put aside his feelings and declare the truth and goodness about God.

let me pray
Lord i pray for Dan, that you would give him water, water that would satisfy. Lord i pray that you cause him to wait upon you in ways that will revive his soul, give him passion and renew his strength, that he would rise up , and that He would Be a revival in Cyprus, Yes Lord that you would cause him to be a revival in Cyprus, and from within the church you would rise us others to be a revival there also, and that together they can agree and fellowship, and shine their light , and that the revival you start in their hearts would be contageous and spread. Lord i believe you have given him a measure of faith, and Lord i believe you have started a good work in him and that You are faithful and just to complete it. So Lord i ask that you would give him situations to challenge him to exercise his Faith, to grow it, and that he would be assured that the Holy Spirit has equipted him according to the needs of each situation. Lord revive dan, but with new life, not the old wine, but the new wine. As with ezekiels vision of the valley of dry bones, I prophesy to them to come to life, from the flesh and skin to come upon you, and God's breath of life to come into you, and that you would know in your deepest being that He is LORD.
AMEN

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Karl /GODCENTRIC
Visionary Media
the creative submitted to the divine.
Husband of my amazing wife Aleshia
Klumsy@xtra.co.nz

I am meeting up with my youth pastor tonight, for a chinese (the hackers food of choice, might i add ), and a chat.

But once again thanks for the encouragement and kind words.

--D-SIPL

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that suggests you tried

MadProf, I don't think I've 'met' you before, but I think that I can say that you have also been blessed just by hearing D-sipl's encouraging testimony, I think God is manouvering things into place for you, so get ready for the big bang! Stick with it pal, ride the storm out, look forward to the cavalry charge, cause it's on the way. I'm offering prayers up for you now.

It was so bad last night i called a close friend, and that helped. I really appreciate your prayers, thank you.

--D-SIPL

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that suggests you tried

I don't NEED to lecture anybody on here what that can lead to surely, but the evil paths that drugs converge onto are relentlessly underestimated and side stepped REALLY

his temptation was facilitated easy peasy, by devils in society - who have NO PLACE in society. Drug Dealers are NUMEROUS unfortunately and in many cases RICH

yes RICH I repeat

how are totally evil and ruthless ppl RICH from putting temptation out for anybody who feels the slightest weakness? they do not deserve the luxury that we all enjoy, being able to walk the streets

IS the UK building prisons? No
Is the UK slamming drug dealers up for life ? Errr No

I see California where the 3 strikes and you're out law ACTUALLY DOES deal with this ultimate menace to society properly

California has locked up more drug dealers FOR LIFE, than anywhere else in the civilised west, that policy SHOULD BE the norm

D-SIPL
Sorry to hear of your dreadful succumb m8, you had great courage to reveal this, I sincerely hope that God does surely instill in you the strength to resist that urge ever again my friend - stay safe and nfektious I see it fell to you to answer D-SIPL initially, hehe great post you did too

here's to CCN!! a top community, moving forward together

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please post your photo into the CCN gallery !

thanks for praying and sharing.

dan

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7 days without prayer makes one weak.

[This message has been edited by bennythebear (edited January 28, 2004).]

quote:

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Originally posted by c h i e f y:
the worst of the problems presented on this thread IMO is the terrible danger that D-SIPL went through, possession of drugs

I don't NEED to lecture anybody on here what that can lead to surely, but the evil paths that drugs converge onto are relentlessly underestimated and side stepped REALLY

his temptation was facilitated easy peasy, by devils in society - who have [b]NO PLACE in society. Drug Dealers are NUMEROUS unfortunately and in many cases RICH

yes RICH I repeat

how are totally evil and ruthless ppl RICH from putting temptation out for anybody who feels the slightest weakness? they do not deserve the luxury that we all enjoy, being able to walk the streets

IS the UK building prisons? No
Is the UK slamming drug dealers up for life ? Errr No

I see California where the 3 strikes and you're out law ACTUALLY DOES deal with this ultimate menace to society properly

California has locked up more drug dealers FOR LIFE, than anywhere else in the civilised west, that policy SHOULD BE the norm

D-SIPL
Sorry to hear of your dreadful succumb m8, you had great courage to reveal this, I sincerely hope that God does surely instill in you the strength to resist that urge ever again my friend - stay safe and nfektious I see it fell to you to answer D-SIPL initially, hehe great post you did too

here's to CCN!! a top community, moving forward together
[/B]

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I agree, drug dealers should be locked up for life, they get rich off of other peoples misery. I was easy prey for them, and they bled me for everything i had, and eased me on to harder drugs (which obviously cost more).

Thanks for your kind words guys, and thought i would let you know that everything is going great.

--D-SIPL

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that suggests you tried