I thought this would be a better way to reach out to all of you the important news that happened today.

Charmaine and I's relationship is the most solid thing I've seen in my entire life, I strongly believe that, and have seen with my own eyes, other relationships crumble and fall apart when faced with the things we've gone through. We've survived through distance, depression, suicide, time, people trying to separate us, spiritual entities trying to separate us, personality changes, societies influences, peer pressure, etc.

I went through the most heart wrenching pain last night, I was suddenly attacked and my mind was flooded with the most destructive, horror-filled, terrifying thoughts that I've felt ever felt, my depression was dwarfed by the hugeness of this. All the pain from the past was suddenly there, everything I suffered through in my entire life was there, then my mind flooded with the most terrifying thoughts. When I read or think about something, it plays in my mind like a crystal clear TV, so you have all your worries and horrors coming to life and you can't do anything to stop it, your helpless, you have no mouth and you must scream. It was mind boggling and terrifying. When Charmaine learnt of this she leaped into action and spent all her cell phone time talking to me (which she was hoping to save for the rest of the month), then kicked her brother off of the phone and called me. Even though she had school, homework and was very tired she put that all aside and talked to me till around 2:30am. After we talked on the phone I took a hot shower and started to think about the same thing I've been thinking about this entire month.

It's been a hard month for our relationship, we've hit so many obstacles and overcome them together, last night was the worst, not just for that month, but for our entire relationship. It was like the end of my being, total destruction of my inner self. I don't know why is was so destructive, it just was.

I've been thinking about how short and delicate life is, I had to make a important choice that would affect Charmaine and I's relationship forever. I had to think it over, I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I came to my final answer after I finished my training this morning.

I got up, told dad that he had to drive me to Charmaine's (which, being the good guy like he normally is, he drove me). I looked outside at the clouds, felt the warmth of the sun, the leaves flowing with the wing, dancing like they had wings, watching the beauty around me. I again thought about the choice I had to make and asked dad to drop me off at the mall for a moment so I could check something out. After checking that thing out at the mall he dropped me off at Charmaine's school. I waited for her to come out of the school and we walked home together, hand in hand, I missed holding her hand, I missed hearing her voice, I missed her alot. It made me think about the choice I had to make.

I talked to Charmaine on the way to the mall (we normally just walk through it, sometimes window shopping), we walked into the place that I checked out before, I asked some questions to the sales clerk and then asked Charmaine to leave for a bit. Charmaine walked into the food court and sat down, the entire time that I was talking to her on the way to the mall it looked like I wanted to break up with Charmaine. I could see it on her face, she looked like she found out that she was going to die in a matter of hours. I didn't want to tell her the truth, it would ruin my plan and the choice I had to make.

Walking back to her house she went downstairs to her room and I used the bathroom. Coming downstairs I gently closed her bedroom door, walked over to her stereo and popped in a music CD I burnt that day. I flipped it to repeat on the first track, I sat down beside Charmaine, looked into her eyes and started to tell her about my choice and what I've been thinking about lately:

"Charmaine....life is way too short....we've been through a lot in the last month and it's really opened my eyes to the truth....and I've come to one conclusion. I....I think we should take a step..."

I reached into my back pocket, and firmly grasped the tiny symbolic object in my hand behind my back, the song suddenly flowed into the powerful emotional chorus. I gentle took her hand and the words sweetly flowed from my lips with solidity and deep meaning and truth:

"Charmaine......will you marry me?"

I slipped the ring on her finger, Charmaine was shocked and looked at me for a moment, then she grabbed me and said yes twice, I held her in my arms telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me.

Why? Some of you might ask, did I ask her now?

I purchased the ring when Charmaine left the store that we we're in, when dad dropped me off at the mall for a second I found out the price of the ring (when I told the lately what I was going to use it for, she gave me a auto-matic discount, GrOoVy!).

I felt like it was the time, yes our entire relationship I've always wanted to marry Charmaine, and we've played around in saying it, but I never really thought it was "the time". After what happened last night it basically sealed the last question I had. After that I didn't care about time, I knew that I had to do it, I had to do it the next time I saw her. I was solid, no one or nothing could stop me. I've been thinking this over for a long time and I made my mind up. I love Charmaine, and Charmaine loves me, this has been proven over and over time and time again. She loved me from start all the way until now and we've been through enough to answer all my questions and kill off all my deepest, darkest worries.

What lies in the future? Time shall decide our fate. Our plans are still the same as before and we're not going to rush into anything and risk our relationship. I just felt that this was the time, our relationship had never really reflected the "boyfriend/girlfriend" image. We've always been special, we've always been closer and like Charmaine said "boyfriend/girlfriend sounds too temporary" and she's right. In today's society where businesses are openly advertising dining room space for your next affair (a large advertising board near our school), and people are cheating on each other and it seems to be "normal". Boyfriend/girlfriend does sound too temporary. I don't want anyone rushing out and suddenly deciding to propose to their girlfriends, that won't solve anything and make your relationship better. Charmaine and I have been together for: 1 year, 8 months, 26 days (12 hours, 48 mins and 47 seconds if you wanted to know) and we've decided to take it further.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I'M ENGAGED TO THE MOST INCREDIBLE WOMAN ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET!!!!!

Pics of my fiance:

Pics of me:

My deepest prayers are with you both as you move forward together.

God bless you both!

-Krylar

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Also put Jesus first and things will go more smoothly!

Lord, bless this union, help light the world through them! -Amen

Tim

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Called by God. The passioned plea of a father. The journey awaits at Jarod Journey's.

[This message has been edited by graceworks (edited September 28, 2001).]

~Caleb

(couldn't do the crosses on this computer, stupid macs)

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"True friendship is not characterized by the absence of conflict, but by the ability to resolve conflict."

your a brave bloke gettin' married. all that commitment, always someone there asking where you've been.

not trying to put you off, it's good to have a trouble 'n' strife (wife - it's ryming cockney slang! i'm from London!!)

anyway all the best mate!!

-D-SIPL